While scanning through Emily’s Etiquette today, looking for inspiration, I came across her word of warning on the permanence of letters and was immediately struck by it:
“For all emotions written words are a bad medium. The light jesting tone that saves a quip from offense can not be expressed; and remarks that if spoken would amuse, can but pique and even insult their subject. Without the interpretation of the voice, gaiety becomes levity, raillery becomes accusation. Moreover, words of a passing moment are made to stand forever.
Anger in a letter carries with it the effect of solidified fury; the words spoken in reproof melt with the breath of the speaker once the cause is forgiven. The written words on the page fix them for eternity.
Love in a letter endures likewise forever.
Admonitions from parents to their children may very properly be put on paper-they are meant to endure, and be remembered, but momentary annoyance should never be more than briefly expressed. There is no better way of insuring his letters against being read than for a parent to get into the habit of writing irritable or fault-finding letters to his children.”
I’ve put my favorite parts of her warning in bold–it is so very easy to jot off a letter quickly in moments of anger or other types of overwhelming emotion. Indeed, when it is writing a letter any more attractive than in moments of impulsivity?
On the other hand, however, isn’t what is so attractive about letter writing as a medium its permanence? Its ability to freeze a single moment of emotion for eternity? That, I believe, it what makes them such a powerful form of communication. To lose the everlasting memento of a love letter out of fear of its permanence would be a sad thing indeed!
However, in our age of technology, Emily’s words ring all the more true. Email is not at all forgiving to those of us cursed with excessive emotion of impulsive tendencies. Before you send off an email, or jot down a letter, make sure to ask yourself:
- Would I want these words to endure forever?
- Would I care if my family or friends saw this?
- What would I think of this message 20 years down the line?
While it isn’t exactly realistic that you’re going to consider such grave questions every time you hit the send button, a touch more awareness wouldn’t hurt! I certainly wish that I had paid closer attention to what I wrote down every now and again.
Look forward to more letter writing tips (and Emily Post wisdom) next Tuesday!
Emily Post quotes from her book Etiquette, published in 1922.
Being eco-friendly isn’t as hard as it may seem. You don’t have to save the rainforest to help the cause, just take advantage of all of the eco-friendly items around and help make them part of your lifestyle. One way is to accessorize in an earth-friendly way. Look for recycled and vintage jewelry, normally these pieces are higher craftsmanship and last longer than your typical piece. Another tip is to opt for pearls, they are farmed using aquaculture, a less damaging technique than land mining. Also, support small producers and buy your jewelry from local artisans, not only will your piece be one of a kind, but you’ll be working towards a more sustainable world at the same time.
